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A Story of Love and Loss

Steve Job’s second story, that of “love and loss,” hit me at a degree that was very close to home. As many of my friends know, I am really in love with a competitive game called Smite. I have worn many hats in the time that I have played the game, but none have ever been as amazing as the time when I coached an amateur team that got a chance to compete at the international level.

This team was called We Garn Servo and was an Australian team comprised of 5 male players ages 16-22. I completed their lineup as their sixth member, and although we spent so much time together, it was obvious I didn’t quite fit in for a number of reasons. Firstly, they were 16+ hours ahead, and I wasn’t really able to spend the quality time a teammate typically does getting to know them. Our scrimmages were from 3-7 AM for me, so as soon as we were done, I was off to bed or else I was definitely not going to make it to class later that day. Secondly, the team was all guys. Normally, you would hope that wouldn’t mean anything, but there always seemed to be a bit of a divide; I was never really “one of the lads” as they would say.

Despite this, I worked incredibly hard to review their scrimmages, devise strategies, and compile statistics in order to give them the best possible chances at dominating their Oceanic league. And that’s exactly what they did. Though it was a rocky start, I have never felt more proud of anything that I’d ever done than the moment that we won our best of three set that secured our tickets to the international Smite Masters LAN event. That feeling of pride didn’t last forever.

A week after we won, I had been getting some mixed signals from the boys. A little later, I was told I was kicked from the team.

Kicked? You’re joking, right?

Alas, it was the truth. They decided that the ticket I had worked so hard to earn would be snatched from my hand and ripped to shreds. To say I was devastated was an understatement. Even as I think back now, I wish I had been able to change my fate, for my life could have been so different if I had actually been able to go.

However, that doesn’t mean I dislike where I ended up. That doesn’t mean I left my passion to float away with the cruel breeze like my ticket did. In fact, it made it much, much stronger. Since then, I have grown within the Smite community to a place where I am much happier — not to mention I actually have gotten paid to play it. Although I lost something very dear to me, I was able to reassess and find the place where I truly wanted to be. Rather than waking up to a deafening alarm at 3 AM to groggily watch scrimmages, I can create my own content and reach an audience beyond those that are interested in the niche international leagues.

I did love my coaching position with We Garn Servo, and though I lost it, I didn’t lose my love for the game, the community, and the job.

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steve jobs response

Throughout Steve Jobs’ address, there was a common theme that really made an impact on me. Trust. Jobs said, “You have to trust in something, your gut, destiny, life, karma, whatever.” He also said, “So you have to trust that the dots will connect in your future.” These quotations really stood out to me because the most important thing people should do is believe in themselves and trust their gut.

I think the part in his speech that connected most to IMM was when he was talking about taking a calligraphy course and applying it on the Mac. In IMM, we are exposed to so many different courses, that allow us to work on various skills. Applying all these skills to whatever we want to do in life – even something as minor as typography – still makes an incredible difference.

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Robin’s Response to Randy Pausch

Randy Pausch’s “Last Lecture” was both entertaining and informative. I learned not only about Randy’s life but also some methods he endorses for achieving childhood dreams. There is a lot to dissect here, so I shall.

When I was much younger, I never had a stable concept of what ‘dream job’ I wanted. The longest held dream job would have been ‘teacher,’ but I discounted this when I realized that I had a harder time relating to children the older I grew.

Nor did I ever “day-dream” the way many people describe, zoning out and having little fantasies, imagining or replaying conversations. (I had rich, lucid dreams at night, but day-dreaming was not something I knew.)

Today, I don’t know where I want to live, or with whom, or even what I want to do after I graduate.

So when Randy spoke of achieving my childhood dreams, I wondered if I really have any. Over time, I have developed aspirations, and they’re eclectic like Randy’s set of childhood dreams, so perhaps I could glean something after all from this motivational speech.

There were several things he said that spoke to me, but I think there were three that stood out especially.

BRICK WALLS ARE THERE TO GIVE US A CHANCE TO SHOW HOW BADLY WE WANT SOMETHING.

It reminds me a little of Dora the Explorer’s “Can’t go around it! Can’t go through it!” variety of obstacles. You just need to get creative to make it over an obstacle that might stop someone else. This idea makes sense in theory to me, but in practicality, I have a tough time with it.

Because I don’t know where my limits are but always have such high standards for myself, I don’t know what is a reasonable amount of effort to put into something, at what point I ‘should’ stop, nor whether I have the energy to continue forward without burning out. My approach to things is usually “slow and steady,” so if some obstacles requires more of an energetic sprint, I need to decide if it’s really worth it to me.

There aren’t a lot of brick walls I’ve decided I need to overcome at college because in high school, I pushed myself way too hard. I developed severe depression and anxiety, and now that these conditions are well-managed, I’m afraid to ever go back to such a dark place.

However, the brick walls I have overcome are really important to me: improving the gender-inclusive housing program at my school, advocating for keeping the TCNJ Clinic (a critical mental health support) open, getting approval from parents and school for my emotional-support rats, learning about game development (and all the coding that goes with that) during a Mentored Undergraduate Summer Experience, and befriending, supporting, and mentoring many different kinds of people under various circumstances. There are others…

Well, now that I list them out, maybe I do have more fight in me than I give myself credit for.

IT’S A THRILL TO FULFILL YOUR OWN CHILDHOOD DREAMS, BUT AS YOU GET OLDER, YOU MAY FIND THAT ENABLING THE DREAMS OF OTHERS IS EVEN MORE FUN.

I definitely want to help people along on their journeys as much as possible. I’m still young, still working on my own dreams, but if I can help even one person get closer to theirs, that brings me deep satisfaction. Among other supports that I offer my community, this motivation is why I offer to read tarot cards for my friends, family, and even the TCNJ community (students, staff). It opens up intimate conversations about direction, hopes, fears, love. I think the more people can develop perspective on their own life, the greater their chances of finding success.

WAIT LONG ENOUGH AND PEOPLE WILL SURPRISE AND IMPRESS YOU.

I believe this is great advice. It has certainly proved true in my experience as a transgender person; even my (rather conservative) father has finally started using my name and pronouns (he/him). The most seemingly-inflexible people can eventually come around; you just need to be patient.

Sometimes it may help to be persistent, while for others it may behoove you to give the person space. It’s not always straight-forward, but few things in life are.

I know I said three things stood out to me, but here’s a fourth: (Head-fake!)

IT’S NOT ABOUT HOW TO ACHIEVE YOUR DREAMS. IT’S ABOUT HOW TO LEAD YOUR LIFE. IF YOU LEAD YOUR LIFE THE RIGHT WAY, THE KARMA WILL TAKE CARE OF ITSELF. THE DREAMS WILL COME TO YOU.

I think this sort of brings this post full-circle, as well. You don’t even need to have had childhood dreams to live a good life. You get out of life what you put in, and leading your life the right way lets the dreams come to you. This is reminiscent of a piece of Design Your Life advice, which states essentially that with the right mindset, you start to see opportunities and things fall into place–you get lucky.

I think being a support to others is part of leading your life the right way. There are a lot of people out there who need support, whether that’s listening to them or connecting them to resources or inviting them to do things they would like to do. Enabling these people to dream by sharing a connection with them, and allowing them to grow into their best self…I do believe the karma will take care of itself. I have a good reputation for being a good listener and a calming presence, as well as someone who is good to work with. Things will work out for me; I’m optimistically certain about this.

As part of reading Design Your Life, I took inventory of which parts of my life I emphasize and to what extent these are balanced. I think that the “love” meter and the “work” meter being high is representative of the values important to finding and achieving dreams. “Play” is important to figuring out what you might be passionate enough about that it won’t seem like work, and “health” enables all of the above.

Here is my inventory of Love/Play/Work/Health in my life from last week. (I don’t think there’s been any significant change since then.)

Love/Play/Work/Health

Something that is really valuable to me is community. Although I strongly believe that each person is the only person who can have the final say on what their own life is about, I don’t believe that life is an individual pursuit. Let us work together to find and achieve our dreams.

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Response to Steve Jobs’ 2005 Stanford Commencement Address

In a rather ironic setting at a Stanford Commencement, Steve Jobs spends some time recalling some of the ways that dropping out of college has led to the greatest opportunities and revelations in his life. He talks about three stories in particular, each in secession having to do with “connecting the dots”, “dealing with love and loss”, and “confronting death”. In his first story of connecting the dots, Steve Jobs talks about how him dropping out of college led him to create the legacy he known for at Apple. It allowed him to attend a calligraphy class that if he otherwise would not have attended would have impacted the creative design that Macs output today. All of the choices he made in his life was done out of a gut feeling; a hunger to want to do something, which is something that he emphasizes to the crowd. In retrospect, it is impossible to see how the dots connected in his life in realtime, but it is so obvious when looking back. He emphasizes to tackle this by doing the things that you love, and to not live a life the someone else lives.

Steve Jobs relates with first story with two others talking about love, loss, and death. He explains how death is one of the greatest inventions of life. If you live everyday like it is your last, and you determine that you would not be satisfied with your life outcome, then it is a dead giveaway to make a change in your life. To live your life to the fullest is to do what you love, and to excel greatly in that field. To have an ambition or hunger to do something is one of the greatest things you can do; the ceiling for accomplishment really is limitless. For the matters of my own project, Steve Jobs was a pioneer in 3-D animation, creating Pixar Animation Studios shortly after being fired from Apple. He is an inspiration for all trying to join the field, and I would like to emulate that part of his story.

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Steve Jobs

The speech Steve Jobs did was very eye opening to me. The first story Jobs talked about I could relate to. Jobs talked about his thought process on dropping out of college. Which is parallel to my dad’s ideals of college. Just like Jobs, my dad dropped out of college because he did not see the worth in it. Both Jobs and my dad knew that they wanted to do what they feel passionate about. Surprisingly, both passions were in their own businesses’.

Jobs later talks about the fact that dots in your life later connect. I have always loved this thought process. To me, things happen for a reason and that reason is shown later in life. For Steve Jobs, being fired from Apple was the kick off to his creativity. Big events, even the devastating ones, kick me into gear. Given, the first moments of the devastating events I cannot pull myself together. However, just like Steve Jobs said, the dots connect later in life. I can think of many events in my life that has kicked me into something even better.

The last story Jobs talked about inspired me the most. The thought of death has always been something I have struggled to think about. Thinking about death spirals me into almost a life crisis. However, Steve Jobs words the ideal of death perfectly. We should not fear death but use it as an influencer. The way Jobs said to not waste your life living someone else’s really got to me. Society is about fitting in or else you are seen as “weird”. In many ways, this way of thinking is starting to go away. Yet, this pressure to fit in still lingers. Jobs got me thinking, I really should try to live my own life. As well as not get too caught up in what other people think. This is detrimental to creativity. Overall, the Steve Jobs speech gave me a lot to think about. Especially with my big life decisions and how I react to them.

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A SAAB Possibility; Apple’s [AR]T

https://www.apple.com/today/feature/augmentedrealities

Creativity’s Outer Limits

Designed by Today at Apple, [AR]T brings together artists and curators, filmmakers and educators, in a collaborative initiative that pushes the creative potential of augmented reality.

We asked Chicago’s Nick Cave to create an immersive AR installation, Amass, that can be experienced in every Apple Store. We also developed a new session with digital artist and teacher Sarah Rothberg that puts AR’s tools to playful use in the hands of beginners.

To provide a glimpse of what’s possible, we partnered with New York’s pioneering New Museum in curating seven artists to craft original AR artworks. They live as a visual layer on the cityscape and are experienced via a walk with an iPhone in six major cities. Their stories follow below.

[AR]T Walk

If there’s a through line in the seven artists that collaborated with the New Museum and Today at Apple to create [AR]T Walk, it’s a shared desire to create not just pieces of art, but entire worlds. Created specifically for this medium, the works — by Nick Cave, Nathalie Djurberg and Hans Berg, Cao Fei, John Giorno, Carsten Höller, and Pipilotti Rist — are experienced via a walk in Hong Kong, London, New York, Paris, San Francisco, and Tokyo.

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Minigame Masters (Feedback Requested)

My thesis project will be a design document of a Mario Party-esque collection of minigames that would be played in VR.

I will be updating my design document at the following link: https://docs.google.com/document/d/1JhwvaiGwqwkBxH0IY7rEHbV4f1-gaTnqvjX4YQjqyTA/edit?usp=sharing

Please feel free to check it out and send me any feedback you have.

I especially am looking for feedback on fonts for the logos of the minigames, so please take a look at section 9a and tell me which you think looks best.

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“Stay hungry, stay foolish”

Steve Jobs’ commencement speech at Stanford University in 2005 resonated with me more than I believed it would. At this point in my life, I admittedly feel incredibly confused, quite excited but a bit scared as to exactly what I want to do when I graduate from The College of New Jersey. Some of the ideas he discussed hit closer to home than expected – for instance, following curiosity and intuition, whether that be off the well-worn path or not. Finding an avenue that I am interested in enough to pursue it, educate myself and become enveloped in the material is something that quite literally just happened while searching for ideas for senior thesis. I never expected to be teaching myself electronics at the start of senior year – how circuits work, components and their functions, how an Arduino operates and how to manipulate its inputs and outputs – but I absolutely love it and I cannot stop thinking about it. For whatever reason I am undeniably drawn to this aspect of design, I’m thrilled to keep learning and developing the skills involved. 

“You can’t connect the dots looking forward, only backwards.“

Steve Jobs’ words on connecting these dots and following one’s passion, maybe literally not knowing where it’ll take you but instinctively pursuing that goal, really helped put things in perspective for me. It isn’t about what I thought I’d do but what I enjoy doing and what work I believe is great work. And regardless of obstacles, as he mentioned, remembering that we all die is the best way to avoid the trap of thinking there is something to lose – to own death and its inevitability will give the greatest strength in conquering life. To continue to do what I love, despite it being what I thought I would end up doing or not, is something I will always strive for, in senior thesis, in my career and in my life. 

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Ideas and Life Assessment

So, I think I’m supposed to post this here. I didn’t have any other prompts to post this assignment anywhere else, so I guess I’m good. Anyway, for this post, I have decided to watch Steve Jobs’ 2005 Stanford Commencement Address. Although I knew about his life story, I didn’t realize how him dropping out of college had such an impact on the entire world based on the little things he did. He mentions that he took a calligraphy class, which enlightened his fascination with fonts, allowing him to create an extensive typography of fonts for his first edition of the Mac. By connecting the dots, he realized 10 years down the line when he was creating the computer about how much the class had taught him, which in turn let him distinguish his innovations from others.

This made me realize that I too, have connected the dots to get to where I am now with my thesis idea. Over the years, I did countless hours of speech and occupational therapy, as a person with ADHD and Auditory Processing Delay, mostly involving a game called Interactive Metronome, which uses a bell sound and the clapping of hands together to press a button on the beat. At first, there were times where I was bored of this and didn’t want to do it since it was repetitive. However, over the course of several testings, I learned that it actually helped my cognition, attention span, and processing skills all this time. This made me realize that I wanted to do something that also helps people, including those with mental, visual, auditory, and physical disabilities, yet is also fun and interactive in the form of a video or visual program (I don’t do well with code, though).

As far as the life assessment goes, I relate to what Jobs said about loving what you do to understand how you can live life to the fullest. I recently had an internship where I created videos for an insurance company, and I actually really enjoyed editing them. So much so that I feel it could be something I want to do post-college even. I also love playing video games, such as Jobs loved tinkering with code and microprocessors, so of course, I play them, and analyze them. From what started as a simple hobby that I never grew out of, changed into something that I am heavily considering as a career.